But she was never anything more than a concept. We never had a daughter in Colombia.
She wasn’t there. If you have been following along with our adoption journey on social media (and thank you, if so), you probably read our latest update in which we announced we would not longer be pursuing an adoption from Colombia. Essentially, while we were on vacation, we received word from our agency that the specific pilot program we were signed up with in Colombia was going to be terminated. Just to be clear, Colombian adoptions are still ongoing, just not the program we were enrolled in (I will gladly explain the whole situation in detail to anyone who might be interested). I initially dealt with some pretty intense feelings of disappointment, deep confusion, and uncomfortable restlessness. And, honestly, embarrassment. I felt naive and foolish in my confidence. I boldly proclaimed that I believed we had a daughter in Colombia (of course, even then I acknowledged the uncertainty of it while simultaneously believing it was an actuality). I was learning Spanish. I put a map of Colombia on the wall near my side of the bed, and I would look at it periodically wondering where she might be at any given moment. And then, just like that, she vanished. But she was never anything more than a concept. We never had a daughter in Colombia.
God has stirred our affections for and fixed our eyes upon a “new” international adoption destination some 7,348 miles away from the original…UGANDA.
We spent the remainder of our vacation non-committed to any particular decision except that we were going to soak up our fleeting time together. Understandably, this unexpected turn of events prompted us to pray for direction while diligently researching possible alternatives and reaching out for advice/guidance from those we trust. And our hearts kept turning over for Africa . Africa, after all, is where my heart originally resided in the beginning of this crazy adoption adventure, but once presented with just how seemingly “perfect” the Colombian option was, we moved forward with South America. Not having ever been to Africa (or even close), this seemed/seems particularly unfamiliar and frightening – the distance, the potential instability, the unknowns. But, basically, we prayed for guidance and discernment, and we feel the Lord provided. We are very drawn to and extremely excited about this big leap. God has stirred our affections for and fixed our eyes upon a “new” international adoption destination some 7,348 miles away from the original…UGANDA. And now, my heart is hungry for everything Uganda. We are absorbing all we can about this beautiful place, saturating ourselves totally. He’s turned my sorrow into dancing.
And now we move forward. Expectantly and excitedly. We are relinquishing what control we thought we had. We are eager and anticipating whatever God has planned.
We can rejoice. We can be thankful. He even worked it out that we would lose minimal time and finances in the paperwork process (He didn’t have to). A fairly smooth transition. And after having digested all of this, my prideful heart in admitting I was mistaken about our family geography has dissolved. I don’t feel any regret for embracing Colombia and attaching myself there. So many doors opened. So much was learned. Our hearts were softened so uniquely. Our faith was increased dramatically. And now we move forward. Expectantly and excitedly. We are relinquishing what control we somehow still thought we had. We are eager and anticipating whatever God has planned. I have no predictions. And honestly, if we came out of this adoption process daughter-less, He is still so, so good. His timing is perfect. His plans cannot be thwarted. I can be confident. And this was His plan all along, not some back up on the fly. We are living out His Plan A.
“…The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” Job 1:21