I believe we have a daughter in Colombia.

Can I be so bold as to say that? Ever since Paul & I married in 2008, adoption has been something we have talked about, something we have deeply considered. It’s a long story, but, also, it’s not. We feel drawn to the plight of the orphan. We feel called to intervene. And it’s an inescapable calling. An irresistible, terrifying, delightful, beautiful calling.

I just simply can’t imagine the hunger of not having a family.

One week in, & everything is starting to feel real-ish. Closer. There’s a very high likelihood she’s already been born. And abandoned. Relinquished. I think of her often, though it’s vague and blurry. But it’s also incredibly distinctive. I’m not even sure that makes any sense. But when I kiss Abe’s soft little neck, right under his cheek, I wonder if anyone is or has shown her affection. When I give Ezra that extra treat because he’s adorable and persistent, I wonder if she has ever had the luxury of a treat. Or if she, too, currently is begging but maybe for a meal. And I think of her when Isaiah crawls into bed with us every night. He has bad dreams sometimes. I bet she does, too. I know this sounds like crazy, dramatic babble, but it has been burning at me. At us. I just simply can’t imagine the hunger of not having a family. 

I am embracing this, we are embracing this as a family, because, quite frankly, I  have gotten too comfortable with easy. With feigning empathy. Trusting incompletely. Loving cautiously.

While we’ve received unbelievable support thus far, ultimately some people flat-out don’t get it. And some just don’t want to. Adoption most certainly is not for everyone. I get it. This is going to be heartbreaking. Nearly impossible and almost crazy. But. Our potential daughter is not the only one in need of rescue . I am embracing this, we are embracing this as a family, because, quite frankly, I/we have gotten too comfortable with easy. With feigning empathy. Trusting incompletely. Loving cautiously.

A seed was planted. Our hearts flew open.

And now it’s time to bring her home.